Everybody 2020, part 2

No time to chit-chat, let’s get down to it.

Carly Fiorina

Topping the slate of female candidates for the Republicans, Fiorina is the former chief executive officer of Hewlett-Packard, touting business experience there as well as at AT&T and Lucent. Her political experience consists of presidential campaign work, a run for the US Senate in California (2010), PAC work, and now a run for the presidency. Although she holds some typically Republican positions on important issues like supporting the destruction of planet earth’s ecosphere, and has previously supported barring gay folks from marrying, Fiorina actually holds a few moderate views, including support for drug law reform and immigration reform. Can she win the nomination? Based on her competition, it would seem foolish to rule out the possibility, but the media exclusion of her and others as minor candidates may harm her chances.

Lindsey Graham

Long-serving Senator from South Carolina, yes I double-checked the spelling of his name, Graham is making his first run at the White House. But this is not his first clambake (whatever that means). Graham has been in politics for more than a bunch of years, first in the South Carolina House, then in the US House, and finally in the US Senate. He served in the United States Air Force for a whole bunch of years, too, attaining the rank of Colonel. Among his aspirations if he should be elected is to become the first sitting president to command a drone strike on domestic soil. On the other hand, that might have just been a pitch for a new television show he wants to see made. In any case, the big question is whether Graham can differentiate himself among a field of candidates who generally like war. If he can, he may just get a shot at starting the United States’ 98th war (by my rough count).

Michael Huckabee

Former Governor of Arkansas and former radio and television personality, this is Huckabee’s second candidacy for president (2008; he skipped 2012 due to heart complications (“All the factors say ‘go,’ but my heart says ‘no,'” he is quoted as saying in a 2011 self-interview (something to do with Jeremiah, 4:4?))). Like Graham, he served in a military capacity, except Huckabee served in Jesus’ Army, as a pastor of a Baptist church and as a staffer for a televangelist. Despite being a man of the cloth, he elected not to use a Biblical quotation as his campaign slogan. The early favorite was Isaiah 64:6, “[W]e are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as filthy rags.” But even without heart surgery, can the Huckmeister (as he is known) pull off a miracle and win this thing? The LORD works in mysterious ways, but let’s not kid ourselves, that wouldn’t be mystery, it’d be nepotism. Still, that guy did put his own son in charge of saving the world from sin.


Still got a bunch more of these candidates to go, which is good. The more the merrier, I say. Bring them on!