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The acronym W.O.K.E. repeated at several sizes and orientations atop a light green background.

What Outrage! Koan Exegeses.

We could all be a little more woke in the weeks after the switch to Daylight Saving Time, so here are some fanciful meanings for if woke were an acronym. I’ll throw them down as headings for added effect.

What Ostriches Keep Eating?

Worms, Oranges, Kiwis, and Escargot.

Woven Ornaments of Karma Engineers.

The Wyoming-Ohio-Kansas Express.

Weather Outlook: Kites Extended.

World-famous Operatic Kazooist Enlists.

Weak Omen? Kitchen Eels.

Wasteful Orphans Kept Earnings.

Woozy Oxen Kicks Enemy.

War Over! Knight Exultant.

Wanted: Open Keyboard Electronics.

The K is the bottleneck here. Not a lot of choices for words that start with it, and too much repetition would have been boring. But this is plenty.

Now, when you hear the fools cry, “We’re going to put a stop to all this wokeness,” you can think: “They’re campaigning to cancel a train route between three unconnected states?” or, “They want to save the market for invertebrates and fruit from those pesky ostriches!” “Finally! Tax those greedy orphans!” Or whatever.

Probably not. But it makes as much sense to the rational among us as the slurish use of woke by a bunch of grifters.

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