What Trump Ought to have Said

Disclaimer: I didn’t actually listen to or read what Trump said about racism, xenophobia, (apparently not guns), video games, mental illness, etc. in the wake of the terrorist attack in El Paso, Texas, or the other shooting (as yet no clear motive) in Dayton, Ohio. I did pick up a few bits of what he said through hearsay and headlines, but I didn’t read any articles specifically about his speech.

I tried to roughly replicate the style and tone of the president, but not so much the content. Instead I wrote what I think he ought to have said, if he were honest, accepting the limitations, in something like the way he might have said it.


My fellow Americans and guests in our nation, I rise today to speak to you about one of the dangers of our time. The danger of violent hatred, which I am more responsible for than most. I own it. I did it to get elected. I did it because there’s a whole media industry built up around it, which made it easy to join in and win the affection of the millions who buy into that tripe. I followed in the sick tradition of George Wallace, who started out his political career moderate, but found his meal ticket in being a race-baiting schmuck with no shame. It’s a time-tested strategy, and it’s not like I’m a particularly creative guy.

The fact is, yes, I, Donald J. Trump, helped continue this horror. I didn’t mean to. It bothers me. I can’t stop, though, for a variety of reasons. I won’t stop. It’s just the way things are going to be, see? We all have our roles to play, and I’m stuck playing this racist gasbag you see before you.

But the problem has never been a lack of losers to try to ride the wave of hate to bigger paychecks. Oh, no. We’re a dime a dozen. The problem is that there are so many who so readily buy in to the racism. You’d think it’d be harder, but people are easy to swindle if you push the right buttons. Some use religion, others use race.

There are people who live lackluster existences, and they need something to make their brains work. Their vapid sitcoms-and-fast-food existence is so meaningless they might as well not exist. But you can wake them up if you plug them into racism. Suddenly things make sense. The juices flow. It’s a lump of clay, ready to mold into any problem they encounter.

It’s not just poor people, either. There are plenty of lucky people who found their way to riches but never had to develop much understanding for the world. You’re looking at one right now, in fact. We skate through life by the law of averages, by the fact we can be useful to others who are happy enough to cover for our foibles if it enriches them.

It’s so easy. Whatever your problem, you can always link it back to someone else, and say it was race. But it’s usually some other problem entirely unconnected to race, like lack of effective social assistance. The politicians have messed up the safety net and the people have got no basic security in society while I cut taxes for the rich.

Point is, sitting ducks, all these people left behind by a system that has no empathy any longer. The forgotten man. Remember him? The one I forgot about the day I was elected? He’s still forgotten, and he still wants to be remembered. He wants to be heard. I’m not listening to him, but maybe racists in some chat room or some forum are.

Most of them have problems with violence. The domestic violence problem. They don’t know how to cope. They get frustrated and snap. They have this lingering doubt in their heads. Even on the good days. They see the shadows in a fully lit room. And then any small thing confirms their doubt, and they’re ready to go full rage. Most of them learned it from their home life growing up. But we can’t fix physical healthcare, so any talk about mental healthcare is pretty much a joke, right?

And the guns. Let’s talk about the guns. The Republican party—Democrats, too, I guess—have made it a mission to prevent Iran from having the bomb. They didn’t set up a red flag law. They didn’t say, “Let Iran get the bomb, then we’ll go take it away after three days if they don’t appeal a court order.” They said: “No bomb for Iran.”

I mean, it’s really that simple with the guns isn’t it? The high-powered rifles. Or no guns if they don’t pass a check. Right? The red flag thing, maybe it works, but maybe gun owners should have a little bit of a check before. No loopholes, none of that. A check, okay? Are you able to be responsible? I mean, it’s not like I can give the name of every would-be gun owner to the media and let them run each name down like I can with my nominees.

And some guns, we just can’t do it. Some of them, with the hundreds of rounds in a magazine, and they might as well be automatic, right? No good. You know how we do with explosives? We don’t mess around with that. Nobody’s just walking around with explosives. No one is open carrying explosives. People go to prison just for mistakes in paperwork with explosives.

And I know, you have these places with so much violence, systemic they call it. In the cities. Cyclical, tit-for-tat violence. And it’s handguns. And most of those places, the gun laws, someone is buying guns and bringing them in. But if you look, those places need more than just gun laws. They do need gun laws, of course. Violence only makes everything harder. But they need—when you have a broken situation, you have these buildings that make people sick. Sick building syndrome. You have to do a major renovation. You can’t just go in and put a few plants in there. You have to tear out and rebuild and revitalize. Or sometimes, the land itself. They built housing on top of polluted places that used to pollute so much you’d have to change your shirt at mid-day because it would change color. That’s what the places, these places where children live. I mean, little ones that play peek-a-boo, all of that, they live in places where there’s systemic violence and deterioration. We have to do better. Remember “No Child Left Behind?” For school, but they left them behind in their neighborhoods and in all these other ways, including healthcare. Left them behind. It can’t be fixed just by getting rid of the guns—guns that people are bringing in from across state lines—but we do have to get rid of the guns. Where they’re paying another state’s sales tax to bring guns in where they shouldn’t. Bet those folks would like to build a big, beautiful wall to keep the guns out. But it wouldn’t work, so we have to try something else.

But the racism, it’s got to end, folks. It’s so stupid. I can’t end it. I’m part of it. If I weren’t racist, my base might actually look at what I am. George Wallace’s voters used to say “He tells it like it is,” too, you know. The only difference was he ran as a Democrat by the time that most Democrats wanted to go straight. He won Florida and it scared the Democrats so bad they nominated George McGovern, who got creamed by President Nixon.

That was over 40 years ago, but the modern Republicans just scooped me into their arms. Right into their bosom, folks. They’ll defend me, no matter what stupid thing I do. But I can’t stop the racism. Even if I tried, I can’t. I can’t stop the racism for the same reason the Republicans go along with every blunder I make. There’s no blueprint. I’m not that creative. And neither are they.

I guess maybe the only way to stop the racism is to spread the wealth, not just money but knowledge and caring, those are forms of wealth too, and to integrate society. If everyone’s got neighbors who are different, being different is normal. If everyone’s got security in society, they know they aren’t going to be starving and homeless because they’re five minutes late—if the elevators have emergency brakes to prevent these people, so vulnerable, so fragile, from suddenly plunging to their dooms. . . .

That’s how you stop the racism. The guns thing? Do like we do with Iran, folks. Like we do with explosives. Stop selling them so easily. Stop selling the worst of them entirely, maybe. Maybe. But at least do backgrounds. Have to at least check. If someone hunts, great, but they have to do it responsibly. People with guns have to do it responsibly. It’s really common sense is what it is.


Something like that, anyway.

Most folks want to see something done about these acts of terror. They don’t want to stop a hunter from being able to help keep the deer population in check. They don’t want to stop people who enjoy the hobby side of guns, or the history side. But they don’t want these shootings to continue like they have done for decades at this point.

Some politicians, mostly Republicans, bring up video games. I play video games and have done for most of my life. If I honestly thought that undergoing a background check or getting a license or such to play them would make anyone even a little safer, I’d be more than happy to. If the Republicans want to pass a law to that effect, I’ll gladly do so. I don’t think video games have anything to do with these violent assholes. It’s also noteworthy that as recent as 2013 the US Army published a video game called America’s Army, which had a combat component (i.e., violence). I don’t recall any Republicans criticizing that effort.

Other solutions outside of guns include mental healthcare. That means we would need universal coverage, which, again, Republicans have opposed. If they don’t think it’s worth it, they should say so. I think it’s worth it even setting the gun violence aside, for the peace of mind and the general welfare that people shouldn’t suffer needlessly.

On the side of guns, most people will accept an incremental approach. Increased background check coverage, for example. Do that. If it’s not enough, we will do more later. But to keep doing nothing, to sit on our hands, is not enough. We will either have a government that will work to improve our society or we will surely cease to have government at all. I favor the former, hands down.

The Politics of Trust

The Brexit, now affirmed by referendum, was about trust. Issues of immigration, terrorism, and gun control are trust issues. Trust is a very tricky thing.

How can we trust immigrants to be positive additions to our countries? How many can we afford to misplace trust in before it is our undoing? It’s the same question as how the hell can we trust someone with a dangerous weapon they could use to harm us.

The Democrats wonder why we trust people to buy guns when we don’t trust them to fly on airplanes. The Republicans counter that we can’t trust the government to make those decisions without due process.

The Brexiters don’t believe they can trust their country to retain its character in the face of both European and other immigration. They voted to leave behind their associates on the Continent because they do not trust them. In turn, Scotland and Northern Ireland will undoubtedly attempt to leave the UK, because they feel betrayed by a country they thought was smarter than to abandon the union.

The United States has a system of government built upon the idea that trust is hard. Rather than trusting one authority, the Constitution spreads power among three branches, to protect against the abuse of power. And ever since, we’ve sought to improve our ability to create institutions that can be operated without relying too much on blind trust.

But, again, the problem with guns and immigration is that they’re the same issue talking past itself. How can we trust the individual, be they a refugee of war or someone seeking to buy a weapon?

The Democrat’s answer is that we can’t trust either one blindly. Trust, but verify, they say. Background checks and block purchases for those who appear to pose harm. Background checks and block immigration for those who appear to pose harm.

The Republican’s answer is that we can’t trust one group, refugees and immigrants, but we can and should blindly trust the other group, gun buyers.

In the UK’s case, the remain folks believe that they can trust Europe, and that the EU’s binding ties ultimately set up the incentives to enforce trust. If the EU screwed the UK, it would hurt the rest of the EU, and vice versa. The leave position inherently says that Europe can’t be trusted to look after themselves, that they would screw everyone, and that the UK is better off alone with less influence on its neighbors.

It’s also important to recognize how much damage the intentional souring of trust has done. From the beginning President Obama was painted as untrustworthy by the right, and the country has suffered for it, through a strengthened executive and less functional courts and legislature. In the UK the UK-first tripe has set up a series of obstacles going forward that will strain relations both inside the UK and with Europe for decades to come.

How can we trust a terrorist to buy a gun? Are other citizens not owed due process in firearm sales? How can we trust an immigrant to not be a terrorist? How much vetting is sufficient? How can the British betray the Continent and expect the world to respect them?